3/9/09

This day, is a holiday to my school, feeling tiring, worried, moody i guess, althought my problems to him had solved, but why am i feeling so so so.. so want to care about someone, someone who's always so comfortable to me, feelings, who will be care about? Everytime have tolerate so much, but all my effort are wasted, nobody needs me, who will? Even a best friends to me, tried to treat them good, go to waste, Hope to be stronger? How? I just wanted to help? End up, i find myself very annoyed to people? yeah i guess so. haaaa? funny right? who will need a person who just knows to talk only? who will need a person that just know to act clever? Slept at 5 something.. Why all these things keep awaking me? is it i'm so craving to love someone, so craving that wants people to care about me? so craving that wants people to know what am i thinking? why that i can easily understand people, am i really a complicated person? or just i'm living in my own world? Yeah, i do think that too. Actually for all these time, i'm just living alone in my world. Who will so willing to come in my world to accompany me? Who still can be my side when i need one? For 2 days, we haven't chat something properly. I really have to stop all these, all these stupid action, all these stupid acting, all these stupid things that would ruinned people's mood. Sometimes, is better to let it never been know will be alright to all people around. I will try to let go everything, start from the beginning, why people can live so happily? can i? Failure. This word suits me a lots. Who will want to be friends with a failure or even a bad person, a bad friend, a bad guy, a bad personality, a bad faker? One things i only realised, everything i do, every effort i put in to, all the best i can give, all will go to wasted. Let people think i'm annoyed, so hated, won't that be better? i guess too. She didn't did the wrong decision anyway, i'm the one who started all these? Although i heal everything, but one thing will never heal, my feelings, my heart, me!!! wont this be ridiculous? zzz, definitely it wont be. It suits me anyway. I always thought that someone had given me life of direction, but there will be no one there for me anyway. I had to live alone now, my phone will be slience, until miracle happens? lol, impossible. I hope to be numb, no feeling is the best. Moodless for 2 days already. Who knows? Things should put too much feelings in it, the person got the hurt most is yourself. I had learn my lesson, so anything i will just smile and put everything aside, do what am i suppose to do. What could exists in my life? Who is there to exists in my life? Since there will no people telling me that, so just let it be. Be the natural way. it will be better to those all people around me. This is the best i could to handle now. What more can i do???